Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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