I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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