Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
