you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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