Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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