My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
