I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
