My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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