When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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