I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
