those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
