Im at strip club and am horny
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
