So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
