the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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