when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
