Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
