he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
