According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Randomize
