i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
