I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
