Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
sex in a hospital.. check
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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