walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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