It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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