FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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