This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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