I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
