What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
