Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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