I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
