im drinking this country out of the recession.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
