porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
