Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
