it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
