Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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