let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
