I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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