Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
