So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
