Fuck appropriateness.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I believe in your delicious
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
