the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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