True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
zippers are such a cool invention
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
