Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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