If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
