What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
