God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
True college students do jello shots in the library
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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