Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
