I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
