did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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