I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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