"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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