it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
