eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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