can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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