Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
