um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
