Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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